"We're turning our attic into a master suite."

Someone, somewhere, is adding that exact phrase to the latest edition of "Famous Last Words of Do-It-Yourselfers Whose Houses Tragically Ate Them".

We read all the home improvement books, watched all the improvement shows. We learned about drywall screws versus drywall nails, the finer points of mudding and taping, the importance of measuring twice and cutting once.

But no one said anything about the bribery.

Adding much-needed storage, recycling all that paneling, and creating patented new acrobatic maneuvers that you'll never see at the circus.

Just another day here at Hall House.

Yeah, we have the corner trowels.

They suck.

We wanted to do something out of the ordinary for texture. Using paint rollers fit the bill.

Who knew there's an actual reason most people use a spray texture? Good bicep workout, though.

"I think those fumes are giving me a headache."

"Really? Aren't you wearing your respirator mask thingie?"

"Does the dust mask count?"

You thought we were crazy for our two-color living room?

Try our four-color master suite.

With stripes.

Vinyl isn't so much "Arts and Crafts" as it is "Cheap and Easy".

"Salvaging the old windows will be cheaper than replacing them." That's what we told ourselves. Word of advice? Figure in the cost of the couples therapy before you decide if it's really cheaper.

Whereas the big work to this point caused soul-crushing despair at times, the final stage is nothing but a death of a thousand paper cuts.

Otherwise titled: "Fate is an Evil Sadistic Bitch Goddess with a Wicked Sense of Humor".

In which we go on a quest to turn our new master suite into a French garret.

Before, during, and after. AKA, proof that we're both crazy and awesome.